It was fucking case sensitivity, seriously, why does
%{Primary Key}
even work if it can't find the variable? For what reason should a programming language go "Oh, this variable doesn't exist, you probably meant it to be a string then".
This is not a programming language, simply a format string with some nifty variable expansion, the developers elected to have the expansion variable print verbosely if it did not find a match in the event keyspace, presumably so that having a %{ somewhere in the string didn't break everything
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