It's hard to help if you don't tell what the problem is.
i imagine this is intentional to try users to go get your cloud subscription
No. It's not. Even if you run on cloud, I will ask the same questions. What is your current status? Do you have an Elasticsearch / Kibana instance running yet?
Anyway, in case you did not start yet successfully your Elastic cluster, here is a simple guide which tells you to run first:
If the later, then I personally think that running curl -fsSL https://elastic.co/start-local | sh is not that complicated. It starts one elasticsearch cluster, one kibana instance, and prints an API Key and a password.
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